In recent months, this purported business column has devoted a hefty chunk of time to Gary ‘bobbins – that’s the knighthood scuppered’ Barlow and Cher ‘who?’ Lloyd.
I would always argue pop music plays an important part in business – any witness to the dancefloor explosion when Shaggy’s ‘Mr Boombastic’ played during this month’s Birmingham Young Professional of the Year Awards ceremony would understand this point.
However, this month I promised the editor I would write something of genuine business worth; something that cut to the heart of the commercial, political and industrial landscape that dominates Birmingham life; something serious, something of real resonance.
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Which got me thinking: what about Eurovision?
(Columnist imagines editor tapping furiously at his keyboard to type a furious email with subject heading ‘To a former Birmingham Post columnist...’. Columnist taps even more rapidly at own keyboard).
No seriously, what about Eurovision? Last week saw the annual cross-continent celebration of obscurity, schmaltz, cleavage and, occasionally, music – host venue on this occasion was Copenhagen, Denmark.
For me and the other colleague in my office no longer eligible for Young Professional awards, it gave reason to reminisce about the dim, distant year of 1998 when Eurovision came to Birmingham. It was the kind of enormo-scale event that comes with a hefty price tag, is a logistical headache, is maligned by many and provides a showcase to the kind of talent-void, delusions-of-grandeur show-offs that are deservedly sidelined in most decent social circles.
Which leads me to the Conservative Party Conference.
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One of Mike Whitby’s more controversial legacies as Birmingham City Council leader was the £1.48 million commitment to hosting the Tory Party party.
The last fortnight has seen a flurry of stories – started in this very newspaper – bemoaning 95 per cent of the city’s event budget being devoted to the nation’s pre-eminent convention for well-to-do white males (and Theresa May).
They continue to rumble on today, with news the event will set West Midlands Police back some £500,000.
In a week where I’ve watched the Polish Eurovision entry introduce an intriguing new dance move - The Top-Heavy Washerwoman Lunge – I thought I’d had my fill of incongruity.
Then another odd, though less becoming, thought entered my head.
I agree with Mike Whitby.
Unsurprisingly, Lord Harborne continues to staunchly defend the deal that has ensured the city’s lapdancers have been guaranteed tips from right-of-centre politicians since 2008. I think, with a sizeable caveat, that his reasoning is justified.
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Ignoring the politicking that’s taking place (“typical of a Tory local leader to put dosh aside for Conservative carousing for cronies”), I want this city to put on massive events that put us in the public eye. Main reason for this: we’re damned good at them.
The Conservative Party Conference generally shows Birmingham in a good light: it’s a well-organised affair, with, to date, limited security concerns.
The fringe circuit is lively, understandably with the excellent entertainment and facilities available in the city centre.
As a PR bloke, I know how hard it is – but shouldn’t be – to get national media to visit the Midlands for matters unrelated to child protection. The conference achieves this and we collectively should act to capitalise.
And, although I consume these stats with the lightest dash of salt, I’ll accept Marketing Birmingham’s £20 million economy-boost figure each time Cameron’s Barmy Army rolls into town.
I do, confessedly, baulk at the lopsided allocation of the event budget: I can only surmise at whether or not our council administration at the time rolled over for a tummy tickling during negotiations.
Nevertheless, I see events like the Conservative Party Conference as the worthwhile exception to the rule of pecuniary precaution. Especially as the likelihood of the 海角视频 winning Eurovision (and bringing the ceremony back to Birmingham) is as likely as a bearded drag act winning a European song contest.
* Keith Gabriel is a Birmingham-based PR account manager